The Weather

PETITION: Tell Coors Brewing Company to Stop Drilling in the Arctic!

Right now, Coors is drilling in the fragile ecosystem of the Arctic, just 30 miles away from a nature reserve. Their reckless search for the coldest beer must end immediately.

Coors Brewing Company has yet to be held accountable for the flimsy regulatory fiasco of 2010 that resulted in the contamination of their drilling site in the Rocky Mountains, which, due to the cold and refreshing nature of Coors Light, irreversibly colored the mountain range icy blue. Our children will bear the consequences of one uncontained river of premium frost-brewed lager pouring millions of gallons of Coors Light into the Pacific Ocean from the state of Colorado. We cannot afford a repeat of these catastrophes.

Coors has demonstrated that safely drilling into the frozen tundra for the coldest, most thirst-quenching beer known to man is simply not possible. Irresponsible drilling in their arctic platform could contaminate the ocean habitat of thousands of polar bears, seals, and whales, resulting in exponentially higher incidences of tailgating parties, public urination, and poor decisions. Due to the lack of infrastructure in the Arctic, the Coast Guard, wildlife recovery groups, and Alcoholics Anonymous would have to face the challenge of crossing this punishing terrain on dog sleds, ensuring that the coffee, Advil, and condoms would never arrive in time.

In the event of an ecological disaster, Coors has drawn up a recovery plan promising to “try to drink as much of it as possible because you don’t waste good beer,” but made no promises to necessarily clean up the mess. Unless we act now, Coors Brewing Company will continue drilling in the Arctic for the benefit of its shareholders, ignoring more new and progressive methods of obtaining cold beer, such as pledging for a fraternity.

Add your name to this petition to help us to reach our goal of 50,000 signatures. Stop this cold-blooded corporation’s relentless search for the most satisfying frosty brew on this fragile planet now and put a silver bullet into the heart of the Silver Bullet.

Brittany Shutts lives and writes in Dobbs Ferry, New York. She has two neurotic cats and a boyfriend with a majestic beard. You can find more of her writing at