The Weather

The Broker Commandments

And now, a reading from The Book of Urban Exodus—The Broker Commandments, as brought down from Washington Heights by real estate agent Moses “Mo” Swisher, inscribed on a pair of BlackBerry PlayBooks. I.    Thou shalt…

LA Stories

Who am I Now?

This is what I remember: Hugo Hickey seemed morose and unbalanced. His tongue was yellow (I saw it when he yawned). I felt a familiar tug of hair-envy—his parted straight down the middle, winged at each…

Inconceivable

Planet Keanu

I measure my life in temperature. I take my basal temperature the first thing every morning with a special thermometer that has an extra decimal point. Then, I record it on a paper chart that looks…

LA Stories

Cat Funeral

I could not have been less enthused about a cat funeral. It was the middle of the week, a school night for my daughter, a work night for me, and it all just seemed so silly…

The Weather

Words from the Poet Laureate

Say there. Say. You. Yeah you, the one raising his pussy drink to his pussy lips lined with that curly pussy beard. Yeah that’s right, I just totally inverted your supposed symbols of testosterone-fueled manliness and…