Inconceivable

Planet Keanu

I measure my life in temperature. I take my basal temperature the first thing every morning with a special thermometer that has an extra decimal point. Then, I record it on a paper chart that looks…

LA Stories

Cat Funeral

I could not have been less enthused about a cat funeral. It was the middle of the week, a school night for my daughter, a work night for me, and it all just seemed so silly…

The Weather

Words from the Poet Laureate

Say there. Say. You. Yeah you, the one raising his pussy drink to his pussy lips lined with that curly pussy beard. Yeah that’s right, I just totally inverted your supposed symbols of testosterone-fueled manliness and…

The Weather

Hey Kid

“…”   “Oh, hey there, pal. Is that Brendan I’m talking with here?”   “…”   “Brandon? They should call you Brando, you got such acting chops.”   “…”   “What? It’s me, kid, Maury. Maury…

Memoir

Take It or Leave It

The day my aunt Susan and I went to clean out my dead father’s house I woke up with a hangover that was worse than the one I had during my grandmother’s funeral, but not as…

LA Stories

Bakersfield

FICTION Blake crushed the can of his sixth beer into his fist and stood up. “I’ll get the car,” he said to Erica. She was only half-aware of being addressed, just as she had been only…