Ideas for Novels

Spotty Wire Services—The hard-driving tale of a hardworking, cross-eyed wire service operator named Spotty, who, try as he might, sometimes can’t get those damn eye—I mean, wires, uncrossed. — Rondette Savant, Clayton, NY

The Weather

Smile! The End is Near

“Smiling” was one of many facial expressions early humans used to communicate. In ancient civilizations, these yeti-like ape-men greeted each other by baring the calcified protrusions found inside of their mouths. Remember, this was before the…

Waterfronts

Beach Days: A Cost-Benefit Analysis

This piece is part of Waterfronts, a series of personal essays that engage with the waterways of New York and/or Los Angeles, presented in collaboration with Underwater New York. My last proper Los Angeles beach day was…

The Weather

A Father’s Promise

Dear son, I just wanted to let you know that I received your letter and I understand that you’re upset about my absence from your life for these past thirteen years. You feel that I abandoned…

Ideas for Novels

Work Hard / Play Hard—A hardworking professional cuts loose after a stressful week at a high-powered job not, as one might assume, with traditional modes of relaxation such as a pleasant cup of tea, some soothing…

The Weather

Astro Guide: May 12-16

Taurus (21 April – 21 May) After six months of peer review, your thesis on the profound but hidden connection between pizza and human emotion will be rejected by the Florida Panhandle Journal of Semiotics. Feeling worthless,…

Ideas for Novels

Emily Dash: Fast Friend—Emily “Em” Dash is a fast friend—that is, a friend who is both quick on her feet and one who holds fast in times of duress—also, she is quick to “make” friends—not “make”…

The Weather

Are You Cooking With Me, Jesus?

Master of Ceremonies: Hello once again everybody and welcome to another edition of Are You Cooking With Me, Jesus?—the show that helps you make every meal… simply divine! Without further ado let’s bring out the star…