At first glance, it appears Made to Break’s author, D. Foy, took a bowl of spaghetti steeped in a thick sauce and tossed it against a chain-link fence with the hopes that the resultant mess might…
Brush Choppers—Nic Canine is a hardscrabble bush pilot with a penchant for dental hygiene and “gittin’ ‘er done.” But, when one of his buddies goes down in a thick patch of bush brush deep in the…
Gemini (May 22 – June 21) Home Depot Orange. Undershirt Ecru. Plum Forgot. Grew This Tomato Myself. Kid, your array of “dad hues” blew me the fuck away. Before I invest eight million dollars in this…
When my friends go through a breakup, I find that I am often their go-to person for advice. This is humorous, because my romantic life is a disaster, but also makes sense, because with disasters, comes…
Director: Spike Jonze; Writer: Charlie Kaufman; Cast: Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms, Ken Jeong, Heather Graham, Rashida Jones, Tupac Shakur, Mike Tyson, Lady Gaga, and Justin Bieber as “Tyler” the baby Just when you expected the…
Gerald: So, I broke a lamp that was on bedside table this morning and my wife seemed really upset about it, what’s the deal? Anyone know where I can buy a yellow lamp with a tweed…
We all saw the video. It was a grainy silent film. Its reel blinked and shuddered like some kind of digital Charlie Chaplin creation, but without the slapstick. Maybe even without the pathos. Its characters dressed…
…Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. —from “The Road Not Taken,” by Robert Frost, 1916 ROBERT FROST’S GIRLFRIEND: Where…
At the top of the page Oma has written, “Start with an experienced butcher. Have the butcher show you his top round, not bottom round steak.” If you were more like your Oma, you would know…
Metropolis Squires—A tight-knit group of landed gentry quest in a contemporary, urban environment. Cultural hijinks ensue. — Chris “American” Tire, Mintville, KY
Good, very good. I loved the commitment, especially the part where you screamed, “I’m a big, fat, poopy baby!” and then pooped in your diaper. I think I can speak for everyone in this acting class…
In Kendra DeColo’s Thieves in the Afterlife (winner of Saturnalia’s Poetry Prize, selected by Yusef Komunyakaa), our speaker encounters Gary Coleman’s face tattooed on an ass cheek, “I Heart Pussy” carved into a bench, and a…
Hairy Novel—Makes a great pet! — Deirdre Grier, Chronicle, PEI
Gemini (May 22 – June 21) Your new apartment is troublingly compact—not enough room to swing a cat in! That’s a problem, Gemmy; the Hoboken Cat-Swinging semifinals are Thursday and you are way behind on your…
Famous Failures takes us on a comprehensive tour of humankind’s most confident leaps in the wrong directions. The column examines history’s greatest worsts, and gives Lasik to our cultural hindsight. In today’s case file, an attempt…
Orthopedic Novel—The healing heft of this mighty tome is a must for the hardworking writer. Lay it on your lap, ass or fingers and feel the pressure ease. Heat in the microwave for bonus relief! —…