We all saw the video. It was a grainy silent film. Its reel blinked and shuddered like some kind of digital Charlie Chaplin creation, but without the slapstick. Maybe even without the pathos. Its characters dressed…
…Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. —from “The Road Not Taken,” by Robert Frost, 1916 ROBERT FROST’S GIRLFRIEND: Where…
At the top of the page Oma has written, “Start with an experienced butcher. Have the butcher show you his top round, not bottom round steak.” If you were more like your Oma, you would know…
Metropolis Squires—A tight-knit group of landed gentry quest in a contemporary, urban environment. Cultural hijinks ensue. — Chris “American” Tire, Mintville, KY
Good, very good. I loved the commitment, especially the part where you screamed, “I’m a big, fat, poopy baby!” and then pooped in your diaper. I think I can speak for everyone in this acting class…
In Kendra DeColo’s Thieves in the Afterlife (winner of Saturnalia’s Poetry Prize, selected by Yusef Komunyakaa), our speaker encounters Gary Coleman’s face tattooed on an ass cheek, “I Heart Pussy” carved into a bench, and a…
Hairy Novel—Makes a great pet! — Deirdre Grier, Chronicle, PEI
Gemini (May 22 – June 21) Your new apartment is troublingly compact—not enough room to swing a cat in! That’s a problem, Gemmy; the Hoboken Cat-Swinging semifinals are Thursday and you are way behind on your…
Famous Failures takes us on a comprehensive tour of humankind’s most confident leaps in the wrong directions. The column examines history’s greatest worsts, and gives Lasik to our cultural hindsight. In today’s case file, an attempt…
Orthopedic Novel—The healing heft of this mighty tome is a must for the hardworking writer. Lay it on your lap, ass or fingers and feel the pressure ease. Heat in the microwave for bonus relief! —…
Director: Wes Anderson; Writer: Wes Anderson (based on David Ayers’s original screenplay); Cast: Ian McKellan, Jason Schwartzman, Adrien Brody, Frances McDormand, Bill Murray, and Josh Groban When I first heard that Wes Anderson would be remaking Training Day,…
2 Much Guff—The hotly anticipated sequel to Enough, Guff! rebuffs everything, including itself. — Guod Ynnuf, Prid, NJ
To Whom It May Concern: I am writing to express my particular interest in a teaching position at Martin Luther King, Jr. Junior High School. While I have no teaching experience per se, I did get…
There’s no point in not starting with the greatest bit of Mad Men insanity, is there? Of course there’s not. Apart from being the best imaginable sendoff for Robert Morse (1), Don has a habit (2)…
Ideas for Goggles—Like, reflective; 3D; smello-vision, etc. — Capt. Jeanne Reno, Port Republic, WA