Brush Choppers—Nic Canine is a hardscrabble bush pilot with a penchant for dental hygiene and “gittin’ ‘er done.” But, when one of his buddies goes down in a thick patch of bush brush deep in the…
Astro Guide: June 9-13
Gemini (May 22 – June 21) Home Depot Orange. Undershirt Ecru. Plum Forgot. Grew This Tomato Myself. Kid, your array of “dad hues” blew me the fuck away. Before I invest eight million dollars in this…
The Breakup Rollercoaster
When my friends go through a breakup, I find that I am often their go-to person for advice. This is humorous, because my romantic life is a disaster, but also makes sense, because with disasters, comes…
Laughing to Keep from Puking: A Review of The Hangover Part III Part II
Director: Spike Jonze; Writer: Charlie Kaufman; Cast: Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms, Ken Jeong, Heather Graham, Rashida Jones, Tupac Shakur, Mike Tyson, Lady Gaga, and Justin Bieber as “Tyler” the baby Just when you expected the…
YAHOO! Answers: Where can I buy a yellow lamp with a tweed shade?
Gerald: So, I broke a lamp that was on bedside table this morning and my wife seemed really upset about it, what’s the deal? Anyone know where I can buy a yellow lamp with a tweed…
Everyone Knows: What We Tell Ourselves About Beyonce
We all saw the video. It was a grainy silent film. Its reel blinked and shuddered like some kind of digital Charlie Chaplin creation, but without the slapstick. Maybe even without the pathos. Its characters dressed…
Awkward Moments in Western Poiesis
…Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. —from “The Road Not Taken,” by Robert Frost, 1916 ROBERT FROST’S GIRLFRIEND: Where…
Everything That Is Left Will Be Used
At the top of the page Oma has written, “Start with an experienced butcher. Have the butcher show you his top round, not bottom round steak.” If you were more like your Oma, you would know…
Metropolis Squires—A tight-knit group of landed gentry quest in a contemporary, urban environment. Cultural hijinks ensue. — Chris “American” Tire, Mintville, KY
Notes On Your Big, Fat, Poopy Baby Scene
Good, very good. I loved the commitment, especially the part where you screamed, “I’m a big, fat, poopy baby!” and then pooped in your diaper. I think I can speak for everyone in this acting class…
Banana Cat
Strap-ons, Strippers, and Poet-Selves: In Conversation with Kendra DeColo
In Kendra DeColo’s Thieves in the Afterlife (winner of Saturnalia’s Poetry Prize, selected by Yusef Komunyakaa), our speaker encounters Gary Coleman’s face tattooed on an ass cheek, “I Heart Pussy” carved into a bench, and a…
Hairy Novel—Makes a great pet! — Deirdre Grier, Chronicle, PEI
Astro Guide: June 2-6
Gemini (May 22 – June 21) Your new apartment is troublingly compact—not enough room to swing a cat in! That’s a problem, Gemmy; the Hoboken Cat-Swinging semifinals are Thursday and you are way behind on your…
Col. Claus’ s Yuletide Conflagration DVDs
Famous Failures takes us on a comprehensive tour of humankind’s most confident leaps in the wrong directions. The column examines history’s greatest worsts, and gives Lasik to our cultural hindsight. In today’s case file, an attempt…
Orthopedic Novel—The healing heft of this mighty tome is a must for the hardworking writer. Lay it on your lap, ass or fingers and feel the pressure ease. Heat in the microwave for bonus relief! —…
It’s 1851, Dammit: A Review of Wes Anderson’s Remake of Training Day
Director: Wes Anderson; Writer: Wes Anderson (based on David Ayers’s original screenplay); Cast: Ian McKellan, Jason Schwartzman, Adrien Brody, Frances McDormand, Bill Murray, and Josh Groban When I first heard that Wes Anderson would be remaking Training Day,…