The Weather

Astro Guide: March 24-28

Aries (21 March – 20 April) Having filled out your NCAA tournament bracket according to the auras of each school’s home jersey, you will glide into April in a state of impenetrable serenity. Your footsteps will…

Honest and Unbiased: Crotchco

Crotchco Los Feliz, Los Angeles 2 Stars I’ve been avoiding Crotchco for years. The last time I was there, the parking situation alone was bad enough. Foreign pedestrians scuttling in front of cars with their cheese…

Thank You for Your Recent Purchase

Thank you for your recent purchase. We here at government.com are confident you will enjoy your genuine, 100% Assembled in the U.S.A* politician. Our fine product will provide you and your loved ones with access to…

Advice for Sweatpants Wedding, Part Two

This is the second installment of Advice for Sweatpants Wedding, a series of interviews that are part of a larger documentary project called Future Hit Musical Sweatpants Wedding, the subject of which is an unfinished stage…

Astro Guide: March 17-21

Pisces (20 February – 20 March) You might not believe this, Pisces, but you’ll meet a man on the street who has a giant exotic cat on a leash. He’ll ask you if you’ve ever played…

Honest and Unbiased: Yotel New York

Yotel New York New York, NY 3 Stars Nine pm on a Wednesday night, and me and my drinking buddy were suddenly, embarrassingly, exhausted, as if we weren’t in our mid-thirties but all the way into…

Morongolalia: Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin

Read the first eight posts from the Morongolalia series.  It was officially the day after we arrived at the Morongo Casino Resort & Spa, and my circadian clock had been cleaned, dismantled, and reassembled to reflect…

Group Meeting

Hey! Before we split, let’s discuss that meetup we have been trying to figure out. We were thinking drinks after class? I really want everyone to be able to make it. Now this week Saatchi has…

Astro Guide March 10-14

Pisces (20 February – 20 March) Mars is in the Tenth House. For exactly one hour every day this month, you will be able to understand the language of bears and capable of speaking with them.…

Honest and Unbiased: Buffington’s

Buffington’s Milledgeville, GA 3 Stars Milledgeville’s not famous for its bar scene. When it comes to nightlife, you’ve got Hancock Street and Wayne Street, which is a cross street of Hancock Street. If you’re an undergrad…

What Happens Right Before I Get My Hair Cut

At a nice salon. Beautiful Receptionist: Okay, there’s Justin! Let’s go over the plan to humiliate him in front of everyone in the shop. Sexy Stylist: I’ll ask him what he’s looking for today and make…

Advice for Sweatpants Wedding, Part One

Sweatpants Wedding is an unfinished musical with enormous financial and artistic potential. I started my Trop career as the producer of an audio advice column. “Advice for Sweatpants Wedding,” the series-within-a-series that begins now, is my…

The Camping Lesson

Teacher Jan: Okay class, everybody circle up, it’s circle time, it’s time, Calder, Bethany—Calder, we’ve talked about biting. No biting. Calder: I’m nibbling. Teacher Jan: No nibbling. Nothing with the teeth. That’s our rule, remember. You…

Astro Guide: March 3-7

Pisces (20 February – 20 March) Sorry to hear you lost your office’s Oscar pool. But serves you right for betting on Jackass Presents Bad Grandpa to win for Best Makeup and Hairstyling. Please pay your blood debt…

Honest and Unbiased: AWP 2014

AWP 2014 Seattle, WA 2 Stars Every year, AWP, the big writing conference for writers, happens. All the writers go, then all the writers write about it. Everyone tries to make sense of it because AWP…