The Weather

Dead Father Dealer

Hey. I heard you’ve been having problems writing that admissions essay. I thought I would give you something that worked for me: Dead Father. Here, I got some Dead Father right here. I always bring a…

IRS Correspondence With A Super Villain

Dear Individual Taxpayer #652-72-7680, We have received your IRS filing for 2014. Your filing raised several flags for us, and we are writing to seek clarification. We also request that in the future you refrain from…

Astro Guide: April 14-18

Aries (21 March – 20 April) Quiche is a wonderful, filling food that’s really pretty easy to make. It packs caloric punch, it lasts in the fridge, and nobody will think you’re being rude when you…

Honest and Unbiased: Common Ground

Common Ground 4 Stars Beaufort, SC It only took a year of living in New York City before I began making plans to leave it. In the end I lasted there two and a half years,…

Super Fun Ice Breaker Questions

Team, you are working so well at selling coupons on the internet. I hope that you are all having fun and if not, I’ve got a way we can all have so much more fun. Let’s…

My Fan Fiction Fan Fiction

John typed feverishly on his latest fanfic “Spock and Awe.” It had been almost three weeks since he’d posted “The Ninja Turtles Meet The Smurfs, an Erotic Romp,” and the citizens of Earth were getting restless.…

Conversations With My Cat

Tiger sleeps on the couch. Justin enters. He sits down and sighs. Justin: Hey Tiger. Today was hard… Jennifer and I broke up. It was mutual, and I know it was for the best, but it’s…

Astro Guide: April 7-11

Aries (21 March – 20 April) The weather is getting warmer! Time to quit eating celery and hop on the nearest boxcar heading in the direction of the Horseshoe Bend Riverboat Casino for some well-deserved R&R.…

Honest and Unbiased: Nails 4 U

Nails 4 U Los Angeles, CA 2 Stars I’m not what you’d call a high maintenance person. I know that most people who say they are not high maintenance are exactly the opposite, but I promise…

Friends, Romans, Cuntrymen!

April 3, 2014 Thomas Nathaniel Andersen 123 Main St. San Pedro, CA 90056 Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing Mr. Jeff Bezos 1516 2nd Ave. Seattle, WA 98101   Dear Mr. Bezos, I am writing in regards to…

Raw Recap: 3/31/14

Last night’s Raw was the last on the “Road to Wrestlemania,” it was full of people punching each other and talking about how much they want to punch each other at Wrestlemania later this week. Jerry…

Astro Guide: March 31-April 4

Aries (21 March – 20 April) You can do slices if it makes you feel better, but you already know you’re eating the whole thing.   Taurus (21 April – 21 May) You accidentally lock eyes…

Lesbian Sex Positions, Demystified

What do two women really do in the bedroom? At what point do you sensually clasp hands? Is blue the warmest color, or just a bad dye job? I don’t have all the answers, but I can give…

Morongolalia: Montana Is the Cruelest Month

Read the first nine posts from the Morongolalia series.  As an armchair geologist, I do my daily fuck-off expeditions, which begin shortly after the sun falls westward enough that its light pushes in through the metal slats…

Dear Muffy

Dear Muffy, I’d like to set the record straight: last week’s defeat of the Go-Go-Naut’s Green Team by your White Extreme Gleam Team was not and cannot be a league-sanctioned win. Using your adult butler, Bailey,…