The Weather

Welcome to the Association of Late-Night Radio DJ Wives

Greetings! I’m Helene Frankel, chairwoman of the Association of Late­-Night Radio DJ Wives (ALNRDJW). I appreciate your interest in our organization and would be delighted to share more information about our tight-­knit community. Certainly most folks…

American Joyce

SCENE 1 Parking lot of a WalMart in Ypsilanti. Mouldering tires in massive piles, rusted tin cans, will-o-the-wisps. A blocklong corroded neon sign, half-buried, flickers and comes to life, reading EAT. The sign flickers, buzzes, and…

Astro Guide: April 28-May 2

 Taurus (April 21 – May 21) Congrats! This week you publish your first novel. Critics largely concur that it is “lifeless,” though some call it merely “vegetative” and still others claim it responds to rudimentary electrical…

Honest and Unbiased: The Raven

The Raven Silver Lake, LA 2 Stars An avalanche of knees and elbows is what comes to mind when I think about the massage that nearly put me in a coma. Let me start by saying:…

How to Relax

Be Proud of Your Accomplishments You decided to relax. Killer job! I’m not sure what brought you here. Maybe your car started to make a weird rattle. Or maybe Facebook informed you some sanctimonious acquaintance got…

Astro Guide: April 21-25

Taurus (April 21 – May 21) Last week was cute—it was adorable, baby—but if you really want to ignite your base and spur organic growth across multiple platforms, you’ve got to be edgier. Sexier. Unapologetic. No…

Honest and Unbiased: No Farts Yoga

No Farts Yoga Glendale, CA 5 Stars I’d been a little unhappy with my usual yoga studio, so I decided to try somewhere new. The old place just had a few too many, ooooh, how do…

Dead Father Dealer

Hey. I heard you’ve been having problems writing that admissions essay. I thought I would give you something that worked for me: Dead Father. Here, I got some Dead Father right here. I always bring a…

IRS Correspondence With A Super Villain

Dear Individual Taxpayer #652-72-7680, We have received your IRS filing for 2014. Your filing raised several flags for us, and we are writing to seek clarification. We also request that in the future you refrain from…

Astro Guide: April 14-18

Aries (21 March – 20 April) Quiche is a wonderful, filling food that’s really pretty easy to make. It packs caloric punch, it lasts in the fridge, and nobody will think you’re being rude when you…

Honest and Unbiased: Common Ground

Common Ground 4 Stars Beaufort, SC It only took a year of living in New York City before I began making plans to leave it. In the end I lasted there two and a half years,…

Super Fun Ice Breaker Questions

Team, you are working so well at selling coupons on the internet. I hope that you are all having fun and if not, I’ve got a way we can all have so much more fun. Let’s…

My Fan Fiction Fan Fiction

John typed feverishly on his latest fanfic “Spock and Awe.” It had been almost three weeks since he’d posted “The Ninja Turtles Meet The Smurfs, an Erotic Romp,” and the citizens of Earth were getting restless.…

Conversations With My Cat

Tiger sleeps on the couch. Justin enters. He sits down and sighs. Justin: Hey Tiger. Today was hard… Jennifer and I broke up. It was mutual, and I know it was for the best, but it’s…