The Erotic Adventures of Batman

Turns out Batman has a dark side. And a sexual one. And an entrepreneurial one. And a confessional one. And all kinds of other ones too.

Crapmaster 3: The Crappening

Dear Doom, Randy’s name hit me like a Bat to the ass. What should have been bliss—my new friend Tom and I enjoying a soak in the hottub—had turned suddenly sour. Just what in the sweet…

The Crapmaster Cycle: Part 2

Previously on The Erotic Adventures of Batman, Batman had begun to tell us about the series of events which would come to be known as “The Crapmaster Cycle.” Unable to locate his best friend Randy Shuvelback,…

The Crapmaster Cycle: Part 1

Dear Doom, It’s over. The bat might as well be let out of the bag. The wooden pussy thing? It tanked. Don’t get me wrong. It was a great idea, and could have been a great…

A Modern Highwayman?

Dear Doom, What can I say? Randy was right. I won’t bore you with the gory details. Let’s just say that high-quality, handcrafted designer wooden men’s dildonics are the new face of Batcorp enterprises. Am I…

A New Beginning: Part 2

Previously on The Erotic Adventures of Batman, Batman and the gang assembled in Batman’s well-appointed conference room to discuss the future of Batcorp Enterprises with Batman’s new management consultant, Randy Shuvelback. Things got off to a…

A New Beginning: Part 1

Dear Doom, “I don’t have time for this shit!” They were the first words that escaped Randy’s lips as he stormed into the conference room. No “hello,” no “how’s your mother,” no “it’s great to be…

My Man Randy

The thing a lot of people don’t get is that just because you’re down, it doesn’t mean you’re out. Let me ask you this—what do you do when you know you’ve pissed down your own leg?…

Relationshits: Part Two

My first rule of thumb for casing out some new joint is that I always bring along my Bat-Bat. To the naked eye, the Bat-Bat has the appearance of any other rugged-looking wooden bat, except for…

Relationshits: Part One

Dear Doom, Relationships, man. Sometimes it’s like, where do I start, you know? These days, it seems like it’s impossible for people to tell for sure whether or not they’re even in one. It’s always like:…

Rough Night

Dear Doom, Is it just me, or is the club scene in this city as busted as my nuts? Let me rephrase that—I realize that in begging such a question, and given my reputation as the…

Dear Doom

I guess the first thing I should do is introduce myself. I don’t usually give much thought to decorum—I wouldn’t be where I am today if I did—but considering the nature of the project I’m about…