The Weather

Tony Bonheur’s Impounded 2004 Hyundai Elantra’s Table d’hôte Menu

Appetizers:

 Hickory Beef Jerky Slaw, dusted with Stale Dorito Crumbles and Polyester Floor Mat Shavings

 Harvest Quiche of Glovebox Deodorant (“Black Chill”), with Flake of Dried Leaf and Fingernail Nippings Sourced From Between the Back Seats

 Unidentifiable Girl Scout Cookie and Used Tissue Fricassee

Entree:

Roast of Leftover Mail from Old Apartment on a Bed of Something That Closely Resembles, but isn’t, Cauliflower, Tossed with a Flat Mountain Dew Code Red Vinaigrette

 Sun-Dried Yankee Candle “Fresh Linens” Air Freshener with Swollen “Horsey Sauce” packet Demi-Glaze on a Bed of Hot Pennies

 Gym Bag Braciole, garnished with a Scratched Copy of “…And Out Come The Wolves”

Desserts:

 Miscellaneous Sneaker Cobbler with “Wildberry” Pop-Tart Compote

 Peppermint Gum l’ Console Centre

Seat-Warmed Dots Candy (No Red Ones)

Wine List:

 Chardonnay-Colored Energy Drink (2013)

 CVS-Brand Power-Steering Fluid

Fiji Water from Work that’s Been in the Trunk Since August

Taylor Carr was born in Florida, but he hopes you won't hold that against him. He now resides in Los Angeles, where he works in the mines of unscripted television and consumes books, television, coffee and burritos en masse. Please direct all complaints to him on Twitter @thetaylorcarr.