Team, you are working so well at selling coupons on the internet. I hope that you are all having fun and if not, I’ve got a way we can all have so much more fun. Let’s get to know each other! Let’s goof around and chat. Everyone has to take a mandatory five minute break right now and participate in this super fun required activity I planned.
Okay, Ashley, when you roll your eyes like that it reminds me of my step-daughter.
I have these fun ice-breaker cards with get-to-know-you questions on them. I got these cards last winter when my husband wasn’t talking to me and I think they are just a real fun way to get some genuine conversation going.
If you could name the street you live on what would you call it?
Anyone can answer these. Anyone. Just shout it out. No takers? Okay, I mean you have to, but I’ll just go ahead and say FUN STREET. No one else? Okay.
If you had to quit your job to chase a dream what would it be?
You all can shout out your answers, but I think I speak for everyone when I say this IS my dream job. If I could quit this job to re-apply again I would. Please know that if you all did quit your job to pursue a dream job, do not ask me to be your reference. That’s too painful for me.
Which is most important: freedom of religion, speech, the press, to petition, or to assemble?
Assembly. I really like my erotic book club. So far I’ve been the only one answering.
If you could eat one fast food meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
This is a good one, team! We’re always eating lunch. Right, Darren? You go to Burger King every other day, so maybe you should go ahead and say that answer out loud – No? No one will say any words? Let’s try this. Raise your hand if you like McDonalds. Just Kira. I find that completely unbelievable. Raise your hand if you hate food. Oh, that’s hilarious, Ashley. Round of applause for Ashley, everyone. Office jokester. In case anyone is wondering, I am employing sarcasm right now and it does hurt me because sarcasm brings down morale.
As for me, my answer would be Hardees. Yum!
What is your biggest fear?
I’d like to remind all of you that I will be conducting performance reviews next week. Being a team player is definitely going to be reviewed, so…participate, team.
Would you rather be lucky or wise?
Fine, if NO ONE will answer, then I’ll just have all the fun for myself. I’m having a blast here, guys, and you just have to deal with it. Keep rolling your eyes, Ashley, but you have to sit there and watch me have fun because you are required to right now.
And I would rather be lucky because I already am. Because I work here.
If you could trade houses with someone whose home would you choose?
I’ll go ahead and tackle this one, gang. Ummmm, THE PRESIDENT. Big duh!
Would you change Hollywood?
What’s a GREAT memory of your BEST childhood friend?
Probably when she was alive.
This question really hit home, team. She was eaten by a shark. Just gobbled right up. Since then I haven’t had anyone I can talk to nor have I been able to watch Finding Nemo. My husband is the quiet type and also probably hates me. I think that’s where my desire to connect with my co-workers comes from. I know I’m your manager, but I also want to be your friend. I am here for you all. You can share anything with me. I hope you know that.
What do you remember about the babysitters you had when you were young?
Really, Darren? This is the one question you want to answer. That she had fake ass titties? I cannot believe you thought that was acceptable to share. Okay, back to work, everyone.
Stephanie Weber is a writer and comedian based in Chicago. She has a website, so she is super legit. Check it out at stephanieweberwrites.tumblr.com where you can get information on her plays and opinions on pizza.