John typed feverishly on his latest fanfic “Spock and Awe.” It had been almost three weeks since he’d posted “The Ninja Turtles Meet The Smurfs, an Erotic Romp,” and the citizens of Earth were getting restless.
“Sometimes I wonder how long I can keep this up,” John wondered aloud. “The fame and adoration are nice, but can one man keep producing such brilliant work forever?” John could, but his humble nature kept him from saying so.
John was expertly crafting a warp core breach scene, when suddenly there was a knock at the door. John assumed it was another crazed female fan demanding to bear John’s child.
“Will they never let me rest?” John asked, opening the door.
But it wasn’t a child-starved fan at all. It was J.J. Abrams!
“John!” cried J.J., “I just read your masterpiece ‘Tribbles and Bits,’ and it made me realize how much better you are than me.”
“Come now J.J. That’s not true,” John graciously lied.
“Thank you for graciously lying, but now’s not the time for your trademark humility,” the Lost creator confided. “I would like… no… I NEED you to write and direct the next Star Trek movie.”
“Can I put Doctor Who in it?” John inquired.
“Only if you play him,” J.J. Abrams exclaimed.
They flew to Hollywood in J.J. Abrams private jet, which he gave to John in thanks. They were able to start shooting immediately since John already had a script ready, “Star Trek II: the Legend of Scotty’s Gold, Also With Doctor Who and the Avengers.” That year, to save time, they just made one giant Oscar for John.
“What a crazy week it’s been,” John reflected on the yacht J.J. Abrams also gave him. “I made a movie, won a giant Oscar, and everyone who picked on me in high school died because they’re so stupid.”
And with that, John jet-packed over to Kate Upton’s adjacent yacht.
John McNamee is a writer and cartoonist living in Los Angeles whose work has been featured by the Onion, McSweeney's, & Devastator Magazine. He is also the creator of @80sDonDraper, and the cartoonist behind www.piecomic.com. He goes best with either a dry red wine or straight grain alcohol.