Welcome super interns! We at BigBouncer would like to congratulate you on being accepted to the 2014 internship program. It was a tough competition. You should all be very proud of yourselves. Here’s a bit of a guide to read over before your start date. It’ll tell you everything you need to know about your internship at BigBouncer, our startup’s history and the overall culture here at the Studio 44 co-working space.
BigBouncer was started by Phil James and Sam James in 2013. After noticing the number of unemployed big, scary men, they decided to create a way to rent out a terrifying individual for an evening instead of hiring a full time bouncer. Think of it as “Uber” for the over 250lb set. It didn’t take them long to summon up hundreds of massive guys all eager to wear their leather jackets and postmodernist black wardrobe. One year later, BigBouncer is thriving.
Studio 44 was opened in 2013 after the completion of the city-wide crack den remodeling project. Before that, it was an asylum run by a Catholic family who’d been cast out of their community due to rumored incest. Fun stuff, right? The first round of interns were able to get most of the crack residue off the floor (They even put it in little baggies for us! We love our interns.) but if you see anymore, there’s a dustbin and a jar labeled “CRACK” under the sink. All the human remains were taken care of though, so bones shouldn’t be a problem.
You’ll notice that the office isn’t really an office. We share this loft with a dozen other startups, all of whom are competing for the same seed money. Luckily, we don’t have that problem as we recently received a large grant just for being “not totally useless,” so you are free to mock those silly Croc-wearing bastards and bet on their success.
We ask that you when you arrive at the Studio, you change into one of the BigBouncer hoodies. They’re hanging on the giant crosses right by the elevator (we’re totally into the DIY decorating trend here). Yours say “intern” on the back.
While nothing here is mandatory, and you make your own hours, we do have a few activities planned for certain days of the week. We generally don’t assign them a specific time because we want to always maintain a degree of spontaneity, however, we did come up with a system to give us a ballpark schedule.
Monday Check-Ins: After Brad, Greg, and Eric from HexMarkstheSpot get back from their trip to Chipotle.
Tuesday Meditation: As Peter from EndorphinRush reaches for his third beer
Wednesday Foosball Tournament: Once Meredith from BabiesBabiesBabies tells her stay at home husband that she’ll try to be home as soon as possible.
Thursday Movie Screening: When Sarah from ControlAltDelete starts looking at wedding dresses and mason jars on Pinterest.
Friday happy hour and start of the weekend toast: When the sun is about 3/4 set for the evening.
And don’t forget that every Friday is casual Friday! So swap those jeans for sweatpants and slippers!
1. The ping pong players are really irritating me. Can I say something?
We ask that you refrain from complaining directly to them. They are just trying to relieve stress before going back to work. However, don’t hesitate to complain on the social media platform of your choice.
2. The internship job posting called us “ninjas.” Can I still work here if I’m clumsy?
3. How do you feel about inter-startup dating?
While we’d prefer if you did not satiate your sexual appetite with anyone at Studio 44, it is not technically against any rules. That being said, word gets around quickly and we may start judging you if you go out with Carl.
4. I just looked at the to-do list for this semester and it sounds like a ton of work! Are you paying us?
We’re prepared to offer you reimbursement for transportation and tons of free coffee and craft beer! Not to mention this will look great on your resume.
If you have any more questions, don’t hesitate to ask. And we’ll see you Monday!
Sonia Weiser is a New York City based writer whose work has been featured in many emails and text message to her parents. Her work has also appeared in Popular Photography Magazine, on Laughspin.com, Timeout.com, and getwakefield.com. Follow her on Twitter: @weischoice.