The Weather

Conversations With My Cat

Tiger sleeps on the couch. Justin enters. He sits down and sighs.

Justin: Hey Tiger. Today was hard… Jennifer and I broke up. It was mutual, and I know it was for the best, but it’s still sad, you know?

Tiger: I’m allergic to the food you’ve been giving me for the last two years; it’s literally killing me.

Justin: Oh, Tiger. Just talking to you makes me feel better.

Tiger: My existence is nothing but slow, painful death. Why can’t you understand me?

Justin: It’s nice to know that even when things get tough, I can always come home and hang out with my best friend.

Tiger: I’m so tired of shitting in sand.

Justin: Thanks for being there for me, pal.

Tiger: You stole my penis.

Justin: How about a kitty treat?

Tiger: (long pause) Fine.

Justin Shipley is a writer, improviser, and perpetual office assistant living in Los Angeles. He once waited in line for the restroom behind Chris Pine, so yeah, he's doing just fine, thanks.