Tiger sleeps on the couch. Justin enters. He sits down and sighs.
Justin: Hey Tiger. Today was hard… Jennifer and I broke up. It was mutual, and I know it was for the best, but it’s still sad, you know?
Tiger: I’m allergic to the food you’ve been giving me for the last two years; it’s literally killing me.
Justin: Oh, Tiger. Just talking to you makes me feel better.
Tiger: My existence is nothing but slow, painful death. Why can’t you understand me?
Justin: It’s nice to know that even when things get tough, I can always come home and hang out with my best friend.
Tiger: I’m so tired of shitting in sand.
Justin: Thanks for being there for me, pal.
Tiger: You stole my penis.
Justin: How about a kitty treat?
Tiger: (long pause) Fine.
Justin Shipley is a writer, improviser, and perpetual office assistant living in Los Angeles. He once waited in line for the restroom behind Chris Pine, so yeah, he's doing just fine, thanks.