How to know where faeries have been (the key here is recognizing seemingly random arrangements of rocks in wooded groves for what they are, i.e. faerie circles).
How to catch crawfish in the creek that runs through their backyard, as well as the fact that once upon a time the entire eastern seaboard was underwater, as demonstrated by this shark tooth that you found while learning how to catch crawfish in the creek that runs through their backyard.
How to know when a rock is just a rock and when a rock is a fossilized dinosaur bone.
How to be grateful for everything you have.
How to feel guilty about everything you have.
How not to talk about guilt.
How not to talk about feelings, generally.
How to be a functioning alcoholic.
Brendan is a writer in New York. He is still looking for the right coffee shop to sit in for hours on end. Twitter: @OConnorB_