The Weather

Office Correspondence

From: Kelly Evans
Date: Monday 22 October 2012 11:06am
To: Tim O’Connor
Subject: Website Traffic Breakdown

Hey Tim,

Hank wanted you to take a look at the website traffic graph he’s planning to use in the presentation tomorrow. Could you please review the attached graph and let me know if these numbers seem correct? Thanks in advance. Hope you’re doing well.

Thanks,
Kelly

 

Chart1

 

From: Tim O’Connor
Date: Monday 22 October 2012 11:22am
To: Kelly Evans
Subject: Re: Website Traffic Breakdown

Kelly,

I’ve made a few changes to the graph (attached below). Otherwise, I think it’s good to go. Please make sure Hank makes note of these before the meeting tomorrow.

Good to hear from you.

Best,
Tim

 

Chart2

 

From: Kelly Evans
Date: Monday 22 October 2012 11:28am
To: Tim O’Connor
Subject: Re: Re: Website Traffic Breakdown

Tim,

Are you serious?? We’re at work. I don’t have your stupid DVD. I’ve looked everywhere. Stop asking me about it. I’ll give you the money to buy another copy if it means that much to you. Now could you please just review the graph and send it back?

Thank you,
Kelly

 

From: Tim O’Connor
Date: Monday 22 October 2012 11:36am
To: Kelly Evans
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Website Traffic Breakdown

Kelly,

No, thank you. Before your firm yet friendly reminder that we are, in fact, “at work,” I had completely forgotten that I was currently at the professional offices of my employer, sitting at my work desk, typing on my work computer. I now realize this is not the time or place to discuss “The Rock,” and that further discussion of the film should be limited to its induction into the Criterion Collection or conversations between people with human souls.

Please find attached the necessary corrections to the graph.

Best,
Tim

 

Chart3

  * While Still Dating Tim

P.S. Concerning your offer to pay for another copy of the seminal film “The Rock,” I accept traveler’s checks only. Please give the check to HR—they will forward the check to me. My new girlfriend doesn’t like me giving out our new home address due to our tall bay windows and her affinity for walking around naked and displaying her large yet shapely breasts.

 

From: Kelly Evans
Date: Monday 22 October 2012 11:41am
To: Tim O’Connor
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Website Traffic Breakdown

Omg are you fuckin kidding me?! I made out with ONE GUY on your softball team a month AFTER we broke up. I’ve never even met your other brother!! If you don’t send me back the correct graph I will go to HR and I will file a complaint! I don’t care how in debt you are I will get you fired. GROW UP.

Kelly

P.S. I know ur still living with your sister.

 

From: Tim O’Connor
Date: Monday 22 October 2012 11:49am
To: Kelly Evans
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Website Traffic Breakdown

Regarding your threat to go to “HR,” please see attached graph.

Best,
Tim

 

Chart4

 

P.S. When can I expect that traveler’s check for “The Rock”? My incredibly busty girlfriend and I would like to have sex to it this weekend in our new apartment.

 

From: Kelly Evans
Date: Monday 22 October 2012 11:52am
To: Tim O’Connor
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Website Traffic Breakdown

That’s it. I’m filing a complaint this afternoon. Good luck with finding a new job asshole.

Kelly

P.S. I would never give you back or pay for that stupid fuckin DVD. That movie sucks.

 

From: Human Resources
Date: Monday 22 October 2012 12:35pm
To: Kelly Evans
Subject:  Re: Stolen DVD

Kelly,

An employee of this company recently notified HR of an alleged theft of a DVD of “The Rock” (1996, directed by Michael Bay). The employee has accused you of the theft, as well as provided an email validating your knowledge of the theft. The employee will not press charges as long as the DVD is returned to him by no later than the end of the week, or the cost of the DVD has been paid to him via traveler’s check.

Thank you for your cooperation,

HR

Justin Shipley is a writer, improviser, and perpetual office assistant living in Los Angeles. He once waited in line for the restroom behind Chris Pine, so yeah, he's doing just fine, thanks.