About a year ago I knocked a full glass of red wine onto my laptop. I found a company nearby who told me they’d fix it cheap. And they did. Or he did. Tujunga Mac Sweepers is just one dude. A super, super nice guy, too. Every month since I’ve received one of his email newsletters. The purpose is to remind his former customers that he and his company still exist. The “newsletters” tend to begin with an inspirational quote or short parable followed by an iTunes tip or a reminder on how to care for laptops and iPhones. That sort of thing. I hadn’t gotten one for a while and had nearly forgotten about him until this showed up in my inbox a few days ago. All I really know about him is that he came to California in the nineties and married quickly.
A Newsletter for the New Year from Tujunga Mac Sweepers
I highly apologize because this is a letter that is coming to you late but is important yet also.
For and with you we have been cleaning and repairing your Apple products for now five years and as being the President of T.M.S. I have a question to ask. What is the new year about? For me it is the time naturally for reflection. This year at the very least. And I ask to apologize in a public way too with a shamed face.
A crime has happened that I have done to my family. I have found a person to spend the rest of my life with and my family is then now dissolute. This thing I have made happen separates my heart but in my new love I have a new heart. It must be you remember last month’s proverb of the archer and his master but the tables have revolved and I am the archer, my new someone is an archer too. We are both archers. Life is the master.
All this talking is to come to now and to tell you T.M.S. is stopping. Mr. Greenwald and Mr. Hayashi your Macbooks will be fixed before I am moving. I have broken the promises of marriage but my promises to you I keep and you will have back your computers very soon.
My new someone has told me all the things that scare her and I have told her those things that scare me and at the smallest we can get to be frightened together somewhere together. My wife has asked why am I doing this and I have said that I am boring to her now and that is a worse lie even if that lie got to go to meet the truth and they battled until the boring lie caught the truth in its side. A blow like maybe with a knife. An injure near the heart. This is how I feel.
I venture to collude with you. I have no money. But a plan is better, stronger, more true than a money fortune. I am coming to believe love is a kind of symbiotic liberation. So I am liberated to adventure.
There is a big group of us petitioning the Italian government to leave alone the wreckage of the Costa Concordia cruise liner that ran aground last year. If we can raise the legal moneys we will get the possibility to buy the ruins and I will be the permanently docked ship’s IT man. There are two bodies inside still. This is very sad and makes this attempt at living in the wreckage so much more requiring, but we think as yes certain we can have all details ironed by 2020.
Mr. and Mrs. Feingold know my great enjoyment of Richard Wagner’s Der Ring des Nibelungen. I am feeling like Alberich the dwarf having becoming the culprit of thieving the Rhine gold from water depths and my new someone is my Tarnhelm and with it so then with her I am invisible from the scariness of the world.
And it is gold I need. For this plan to come to an action we are requiring to find this gold. In some other way of saying, I am asking for your help. T.M.S. has done all possible to care for your devices and technologies and I ask you to give assistance in our making Costa Concordia a home for us. Me and my new someone.
To example that this plan and love are true I will tell you we like pajamas both, we are angry with Piers Morgan always, rain is good for us both also cold days with books. She loves Strindberg and Artaud and I Chekhov and Gray. She looks like Sieglinde but will say she feels more as a Brünnhilde. I say no, those jeans are perfect on you. Her voice is a flower coming open on a chilled morning of spring. Her being a comedian so funny and a breathtaker with her such a pretty face are known things among those all she knows and sees.
And Pu**y Riot should see freedom we both think.
I am filled with woe on my daughters’ behalf. But their mother is a good mother and they must be fine in time.
If you encounter an ability to produce a gift of money please send it in pay to the order of Tujunga Mac Sweepers to the address at the end of this newsletter.
My new someone and I thank you and thank you and please have the most merry time in this year.
Tujunga, CA 91042
Patrick Benjamin is a writer living near Los Angeles. He lives with his sister and grandmother.