Sleeper Celluloid: Real Reviews of Fake Movies

A Review of Baby Alive

(To see the official Baby Alive poster, click here.)

In Baby Alive, Detective Wendy Buckem (Sissy Spacek) finds herself on the trail of a killer targeting young mothers-to-be. Part thriller, part reality TV, the cast features MTV Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant reality stars (Catelynn, Farrah, Amber, Maci, Leah, Emily, Ebony, and Whitney). The young women struggle with their relationships, dreams, and new responsibilities while attempting to evade a mysterious stalker. As time runs out and bodies pile up, Detective Buckem finds herself confronting her own past. Also starring John Stamos.

 

Member Reviews

*****
Baby Alive sucks you in and never lets you go. If you want action with raw emotion and the added bonus of REAL people that lends an air of ambiguity this movie will intrigue and inspire.

 

****
I saw this movie in pre-release and found disjointed the attempt to merge so-called “reality” with actual celebrity within the same medium. Still, the plot itself is both familiar and functional, structured as a series of vignettes (or “episodes”) in which we meet each teen mother before, during, or after her pregnancy, such that, prior to each demise, earlier mothers are making the decision to have unprotected sex with their boyfriends, (or sometimes acquaintances or assailants,) and later scenes show the young ladies increasingly pregnant, and so on. Thereby an interesting effect occurs with respect to time, which I could get into further though not in this format. Some of the most affecting portrayals are actually the minor characters—the teen’s family members, friends, and so on—who subtly look askance at the proceedings, and are in various ways positioned by force or happenstance to observe, as well, the killings, but then disappear from the film, not to get too deep, but perhaps like life itself? In any case, the actors who play these minor characters are sometimes diamonds in the rough. Overall, the film merits a 3.5 but as that option is not available I give it 4 with the benefit of doubt.

 

*****
The movie, enjoyable as it was, left me with many lingering questions. It doesn’t say what he wants with the babies, even though there are only a few just near the end. I know that some of the fathers were suppose to think are good father figures so maybe the babies leftover go with him but maybe there’s a sequel about the real dads? I found that aspect confusing. Otherwise this movie is good, and I was engaged about our society at large as well as the internal lives of the people. I know people curse a lot in real life, but I also feel that you didn’t need to have that many curse words to make your point.

 

*****
Go Catelynn! I knew her in high school and she was never all that but you gotta respect she made more of her life than I did ha!

 

***
How did they get Sissy Spacek to do this movie? Sissy Spacek of Coal Miner’s Daughter and Carrie and Badlands!? She is a class act she must be having money problems? I saw her last year at a farmer’s market in Virginia buying a bottle of olive oil for like twenty bucks so I don’t get it at all. I liked the movie though it was worth the price of a ticket.

 

****
I am very selective when it comes to giving a five-star rating but this movie was awesome and it would have got five stars except for there was a little repetition in the methods the killer used—I know serial killers have to do it the same way because they are compelled, but I also feel like swords are a little overdone and the director could of mixed it up a bit more. Other than that it was fantastic viewing. John Stamos as the son/villian lends an air of brooding sophistication to the young cast.

 

*
This movie arrived cracked and when you kindly replaced it with another one I was unable to turn off the dubbing which was Chinese or something making for an infuriating experience. You should have a way to rate it zero stars.

 

****
Besides being a genuine suspenseful this film has many themes and issues that it portrays. I enjoyed the symbol of the pacifier, or “nubbin” as it pertained to the serial killing/cutting body parts off aspect of the film. In terms of society at large, many of us have felt this way, and it lends a sense of reality to the relatable nature of the main character. There are some good comebacks in it and surprise twists. When I go to the movies I don’t need it to be Academy Award Worthy however you should at least know how to act so I have to admit some of the teen moms did seem scared. I was also appreciative of the production value, which is one thing that always kept me from enjoying the television version and Reality TV in general.

 

***
Perhaps this movie was meant to be a satire, but someone in marketing didn’t think that would sell? I heard that the original trailer featured the classic song “Baby’s Got Back” which is hysterical, but someone nixed it or got offended which is why they switched to serious.

 

*
I had that doll as a kid and was expecting a movie inspired by it, but if that’s the case for you, you will be surely disappointed in this travesty of a movie. What we really want is to be entertained, instead you get something totally unexpected. You may remember Baby Alive as big compared to the usual dolls and pretty realistic. It came with a baby food assemblage and poop. You know Transformers is from toys right? I bet half of you don’t even know you just want to bang Megan Fox who doesn’t. It’s one thing for an artist to be inspired but it’s another thing to rip something off and not even know it. I know it’s geeky but I got a lot of education about life from that doll.

 

*****
This film seems like it’s all about the gore of the killer, but in the end it does have an uplifting message about the value of each and every child. I’m not saying it’s the greatest movie ever, but I and my date both enjoyed it.

 

***
I am a teen mom and my own mother was murdered when my child was two months old. I’m sorry if that is TMI but only recently have I decided to try to watch movies because it’s hard to find one that isn’t triggering. So I think people should consider that. I saw this movie in the theater which was the first time I had been in a movie theater in I don’t know how long. It was in a falling apart old school one downtown that is practically out of business but keeps hanging on. I don’t remember much about the movie all I can say is I was glad I went, it was a big step for me in my life. Maybe someday I will be desensitized enough for a fuller appreciation.

 

****
First off this movie is not about the Baby Alive Doll, it’s about twelve reality star teen moms that SPOILER ALERT get knocked off one by one in the grand tradition of this type of movie, where the black guy either died first or by the end of the 80s he died second to last by saving everyone by selfless sacrificing his life, underlining a mirror of racism. The moms are actually pretty inspiring when you consider how hard it is to raise a baby in this day and age. I kind of knew about halfway who the killer is, but I’ve seen a lot of movies like this and usually I know by the end of the credits so that’s pretty good. There is also, for your information, a mechanical french duck from steampunk time that I saw in a museum that does the same thing as the doll with digesting etc. There’s also a poem.

 

*****
I remember that doll my friend had it! Gross! Also the teen moms need to get a life! But now they’re dead!

 

This piece will appear in Lucy’s forthcoming collection from McSweeney’s, One Hundred Apocalypses and Other Apocalypses

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Lucy Corin is the author of the short story collection The Entire Predicament (Tin House Books) and the novel Everyday Psychokillers: A History for Girls (FC2). The collection One Hundred Apocalypses and Other Apocalypses is forthcoming from McSweeney’s Books. Stories have appeared in American Short Fiction, Conjunctions, Ploughshares, Tin House Magazine, New Stories From the South: The Year’s Best, and many other places. She’s been a fellow at Breadloaf and Sewanee, and a resident at Yaddo and the Radar Lab. She’s currently living in Rome as the 2012 John Guare Fellow in Literature at the American Academy in Rome. She is at work on a novel, The Swank Hotel.