Here’s what I suspect but can’t yet prove about zombies. They:
1) Would be lousy at being spies. You can hear them coming a mile away.
2) Could not have sprung up from nowhere.
3) Are not human flesh reanimated.
4) Aren’t even mammals—never have been.
5) Possibly are marsupials.
6) Weren’t hiding in habitat somewhere before the catastrophes.
7) Must have emerged in response to the castasrophes.
8) Have DNA that’s supremely unrevealing.
9) Seem to like ketchup.
10) Are difficult to like.
Jill Riddell is a writer in Chicago. She teaches at the School of the Art Institute and has a weakness for nature, magic, and pennies abandoned in sidewalk cracks.