Here’s some of what we know so far about the life cycle of zombies. They:
1) Eat plants mainly, along with small fish and invertebrates.
2) Don’t cook.
3) Drink surprisingly little.
4) Wear jumpsuits made of out of high-tech fibers, ones we haven’t yet traced to any known manufacturer.
5) Communicate with one another—though we can’t prove it yet.
6) May be able to understand language—I’m convinced of this, but not all colleagues agree.
7) Are not sexually active.
8) Sleep very little; and when they do, they gasp audibly for air in a way that makes them sound like their next inhalations may be the last they ever take.
9) Are frightened by loud, sharp noises, even ones they’ve heard before and in theory, might have become desensitized to.
10) For plant eaters, have extraordinarily foul smelling breath.
Jill Riddell is a writer in Chicago. She teaches at the School of the Art Institute and has a weakness for nature, magic, and pennies abandoned in sidewalk cracks.