Acupuncture After The Apocalypse

Two Impressively Large Billboards

Beefcake is making an unattractive construction on the bed of his pick-up. He’s taken sheets of plywood and turned them into two impressively large billboards; these will then be mounted on both sides of the truck. He’s hooked up a stereo system, so he can blast his campaign song through the speakers as he drives around town.

As the poet laureate of his campaign—basically the only person having anything to do with delivering his message—I wrote the lyrics. Here’s a sample:


“I’m a man of action

Not a soothsayer.

You won’t hear sweet words

When I’m your Mayor.”


“I’m a guy who makes life good

I’m the dude who gets things done.

No one else can be your Mayor

‘Cause I’m the only one.”


Not my most convincing effort. But that’s the point.

Jill Riddell is a writer in Chicago. She teaches at the School of the Art Institute and has a weakness for nature, magic, and pennies abandoned in sidewalk cracks.