You say chivalry is dying, and I say Caesarian sections are rising.
This week in politics, Egyptians hurled tomatoes and Monica Lewinsky insults at Hillary Clinton’s motorcade. It used to be an incident like this could be attributed to the fact that Egypt is a little behind on the news, but fellas, this is no longer an excuse.
In related political news, my Twitter personality, Twitt Romney (@RomneyTwitt), has taken a hiatus, possibly for good. After over three weeks and over 200 tweets, I amassed only 35 followers. I’m not sure why it’s been so hard to get a following—could be I’m not funny enough, or the web has a glut of Romney jokes. Or maybe it’s because I feel an authentic Romney impersonation can’t engage in savvy Tweeting—i.e. proper hashtag and @ use. Anyway, it’s not worth checking my phone every thirty minutes to see if people like me, so unless you all start following me now, Twitt Romney is bowing out of the online Presidential shadow campaign. Hopefully this apathy carries over to the real polls come November.
In personal health news, sleeping on the undesirable side of a basement bed can lead to damp foot skin, and subsequent unsightly peeling. For the past three weeks, I’ve been on the undesirable side of such a bed, while my lady, Liz, slumbers peacefully in golden lamplight. Now my foot skin looks like wet toilet paper. It’s a little world, that mattress—one hemisphere, the warm kiss of day, the other, the clammy clutch of night. But such is the price, I believe, of bearing children—I won’t have to go through that, so I’ll take the undesirable side of the bed, the undesirable side of restaurant booths, the undesirable side of sidewalks, holding doors and the whole lot. Because that’s chivalry—men’s constant gallant attempts to even out the pain of motherhood every chance we get. You say chivalry is dying, and I say Caesarian sections are rising. The scales are tipping the other way. If this foot peelage is my consolation, though, Liz is going to have like nontuplets with no anesthesia. I wonder if Hillary had a C-section.
Roger is a composition teacher at Georgia College in Milledgeville, Georgia. He's working on his first novel, and would like to tell you all about it.