Kids dancing in open fire hydrant make for great photo op.
Miami Heat now have globally insensitive nickname, are that much easier to hate.
Power outages force Millennials to interact with each other face to face, discover Gen X favorites like Ouija-by-candlelight.
Jersey Shore soon to be swallowed by Atlantic Ocean.
Pit stains now socially acceptable. Next up: cutoffs.
No longer subjected to cliché It’s not the heat; it’s the humidity, because it’s obviously the fucking heat.
Frequency of tropical storms boosts chances one will be named after you.
Sweating out alcohol great way to beat hangover.
Drinking floodwater great way to rehydrate.
Sun is going to explode eventually, anyway.
Evan Allgood's work has appeared in McSweeney's, The Millions, LA Review of Books, The Toast, and The Billfold. He lives in Brooklyn and contributes regularly to Paste. Follow and maybe later unfollow him on Twitter @evoooooooooooo.