Acupuncture After The Apocalypse

Here Today Were Absolute

You may have already heard that elections here today were absolute chaos. Most elected officials are allowed to retain their offices because elections are so challenging, and so few people remain who can run a campaign and then serve the term. (That’s why candidates like Beefcake and Levi get so far.) Still, the ballot I filled out was for at least twenty different positions.

When I arrived at my polling place, there was only one person there running things. She had to be the one signing people in, double-checking addresses, and also the election judge for both parties.

Opportunities for fraud abound. And I’m confident, this being Chicago, that such opportunities were taken ample advantage of today.

I’m headed to bed now, though the votes aren’t yet counted. I still don’t know whether Beefcake triumphed—please, god, no—or whether Levi pulled it off.

Jill Riddell is a writer in Chicago. She teaches at the School of the Art Institute and has a weakness for nature, magic, and pennies abandoned in sidewalk cracks.