The Weather

Brofile: Regina Spektor, Live at the Tabernacle

Roger Sollenberger recently spoke to brona fide bro Evan Allgood about the Regina Spektor concert Allgood attended this past Saturday in Atlanta.

So, which venue did Regina play?

Downtown at the Tabby, which is this big, like, converted church. Gorgeous, dude—hardwood floors and stained glass windows and shit. Real nice. Feels real old, like they built it in the ’80s or something.

By Tabby you mean the Tabernacle?

Ya.

Did you go by yourself?

Yaaaaa.

How come?

My friends never wanna leave Buckhead. Also most of them think R-Spek’s for fags.

Why’s that?

Probably because they’re fags. R-Spek’s a smokeshow, bro. She dresses real classy and shit but I’m pretty sure she’s like a D-cup. It pisses me off that people always focus on her music and never give her any props on her body. Like open your eyes.

So how was the show?

It literally made me believe in God.

Really? You’ve rediscovered your faith?

I dunno, man. It was just a killer show.

What were some of the highlights?

Maybe, like… every song? (laughs) It’s R-Spek, bro. There is no filler. She’s like, a true songwriter, is what it is. She writes songs. And she’s got crazy range. Like stupid range, dude. Sometimes she sounds like she’s singing underwater, and sometimes she sounds like she’s belting out notes from a fucking mountain. But the whole time she’s just sitting at a piano. Just retarded range.

Do you have a favorite album?

I love all of her stuff, but I only ever listen to Begin to Hope. That’s the only stuff of hers I’ve heard, because for me that record is right up there with [The Postal Service’s] Give Up and [Sufjan Stevens’] Illinoise. Fucking classic, dude.

How about a favorite song?

That’s a no-brainer, bro: “Samson.” (sings, off-key) You are my sweetest downfall / I loved you, Hearst Fuck, man. Shit’s fucking tragic. That’s some like, Greek tragedy shit. I dunno who this Samson Hearst guy is but if I ever see him I’m giving him a fucking bear hug. Giving that dude some dap.

How many times—

I also like the one where she sings like a dolphin.

How many times did you cup your hands around your mouth and shout “SAMSON!” at the show?

Maybe like, thirty? People kept shushing me, but bro, it’s a concert. If you don’t wanna get screamed at and elbowed in the kidney, you should probably stay home.

Do you think Regina heard your requests?

She played that shit, didn’t she? Fondled the shit out of those ivories. Saved it for the very end, too. Saved the best for last, bro—you think that was like, a coincidence or something?

Do you believe in coincidences?

Na.

Ever seen Magnolia?

Naaaaa. Title’s kinda gay, bro.

Fair enough. Why does “Samson” resonate with you so deeply? Another concertgoer said you cried during the encore—

Who said that, bro? Seriously, I will fucking stomp their ass—

So you didn’t cry?

Oh, I was fucking bawling. I just don’t like people talking shit behind my back.

Did your tears run into your beer and turn it salty?

Ya. No bigs. No different than when I dip fries in that shit. Except I’m usually not emotionally wrecked when I dip fries in that shit.

How many of those 24-ounce Budweisers did you have?

Maybe like, thirty? Haven’t checked my receipts yet, bro. Fucking dreading it.

How do you feel when people say you’re “too big to be that drunk”?

Who said that, bro? Seriously, I will fucking murder their ass—

Were you the biggest person at the show?

Second biggest.

Who was bigger?

The bouncer. Maybe.

Think you could take him?

Oh, no question. I would’ve knocked him on his ass the other night except I was too busy getting thrown out.

Who threw you out?

The bouncer. Fucking dick.

Why?

I pissed all over the opener’s merch table.

Were you not impressed with their set?

Oh no, they were killer, dude. They blew my mind. I just had to piss and there was this like, huge line, and I was still feeling kinda vulnerable from “Samson.” So I called all the guys in line fags and went and pissed on the merch table.

Do you think that’s appropriate behavior for a grown man?

I dunno, bro. It’s a concert. If you don’t wanna get called a fag or get your t-shirts and buttons and shit pissed on, you should probably stay home.

How did this show stack up to the other times you’ve seen Regina?

Oh, shit. They’ve all been unreal. I saw her up at 9:30 Club a few years back and it was like an angel was giving me a handjob. I was like: This is what it’s all about.

By “it” you mean life?

Yaaaaa.

Was this better or worse than that show?

I can’t pick a favorite, bro. That’s like asking me to pick my favorite song of hers. Or an album. I cannot fucking do it.

(Sigh.) So what’d you do last night?

Saw B-Gibbs at Variety.

Do you think Ben Gibbard heard you shouting “SUCH GREAT HEIGHTS!”?

He played that shit, didn’t he?

Let me guess

Saved it for the very end, too.

Evan Allgood's work has appeared in McSweeney's, The Millions, LA Review of Books, The Toast, and The Billfold. He lives in Brooklyn and contributes regularly to Paste. Follow and maybe later unfollow him on Twitter @evoooooooooooo.