Dire Watchword
Little Transylvania had survived the devastation better than most of Amsterdam Two. The serpents must have thought the undead weren’t worth killing, or maybe Tiamat had a soft spot for outcasts. There were gobbets of mostly…
Pearl of Dreams
“There’s a couch floating past us.” I nodded. “That there is.” Epiphany followed what looked like a Barcalounger as it drifted after the couch. “I only point this out because we’re in a cornfield, and the…
The Farm
“This is not what I expected the museum to look like,” said Epiphany. “You were expecting marble columns and urns?” Milo said sardonically. “I was expecting a lab with magic circles and electrified unobtainium cages. This…
The Powers of Deduction (Part 2)
“Please explain, my dear Heaps,” I finally snapped, unable to contain my curiosity any longer, “how you plan to return this gemsbok to our client if you insist that there can be no gemsbok.” “I said…
The Powers of Deduction (Part 1)
You are by now well acquainted with the powers of my good friend Lamenter Heaps. He has consulted for Lampscam Fry, for the renouncers of the Charge in Swelterment Mod, and for Saponifier Milkvictor himself. It…
Torosian
“Took you long enough to get here, Milo,” said the voice in the center of the flame sourly. “Frank!?” Milo and Epiphany were standing in a well-appointed study. A heavy, richly inlaid mahogany desk littered with…
The Diner
“Why can’t she leave Mars Prime?” “She can’t leave her apartment, is closer to the truth. We all—every troubleshooter who was working at the time—gave up some of our karma to build the place.” Epiphany sipped…
Epiphany
“I need a body.” The abbot drew on his cigarette, exhaled a cloud of soma, and flicked the butt off of the cloud island. It turned into a shimmering golden butterfly on its way down and…
Gnat Slayer
Five quarter-turns of the hot knob and one of the cold always rendered the correct temperature. There was no need to do a quick test with the hand, so his chest made first contact with the…
You Bug Me
Nobody understands pop music. Even the artists, labels, publishers, radio execs, ASCAP, BMI, they don’t know what makes a hit. Or else they’d do it over and over. Duh! It’s like: “Great song.” “Here’s another just…
Tia
“This is a nice surprise.” “No, it isn’t.” The woman looked to be about thirty. She was tall and athletic, with skin the color of old bronze and long dreadlocks pulled back into a ponytail. Her…
This Is A Wonderful Town With Generous Doctors and Pharmacists
I live in one of those rare towns with a generous pharmacist whose arm you do not need to twist to sell you pain pills without a prescription. My pharmacist’s name is Michael Hallberg, but everyone…
The Junkyard
The dog made it to the bottom of the scrap pile first. The man slid down after, picking a careful path with his flashlight through the stacks of discarded luggage and old toys. There was a…
Two Years Later
It was early fall in the misty hills. The morning air was crisp. The little girl ran for the joy of running, up from her father’s house to the temple at the mountain peak. She leapt…
Buen Día
When I first met Stan in Father Derrida’s Bookshop I thought he was a hobo. He was drunk and rambling about the president, but he wasn’t getting carried away and so I moved closer, and the…
Why-to actually Have (as in give Birth to) a Child
*why-to: a short and helpful guide to motivate one’s pursuit of activities either a.) previously not pursued or b.) pursued so regularly that no one knows or remembers why they’re doing them in the first place. Why-to…
Do they still love Trump in Bedrock?
If there is a place truly emblematic of the white working class towns and small Rust Belt cities that put Donald Trump in the White House, it has to be Bedrock. The town was once so…